marquisdehockey:

So I can’t stop thinking about the falcs making a video after that press conference and it’s full of intentionally bad acting and starts with one of the falcs pretending to read and then doing that whole “Oh, i didn’t see you there” thing to the camera. He says something like “many people have been asking how Jack Zimmermann fits in the locker room, so we’ve decided to clear a few things up”

He’s holding a measuring tape

“It’s quite a large locker room. Here are a number of other things that fit in it”, and then its a whole series of shots from the same angle showing different things while snowy or someone gives a voice over:

• “Zimmboni”, Jack’s standing there, waving awkwardly at the camera
• “A zamboni”
• “Zimmboni on a zamboni” (Jack, sitting on the zamboni, “how did you guys even get this in here”)
• “Two cowboys” it’s Ransom and Holster in cowboy costumes
• Ransom: this locker room is big enough for the two of us
• Holster: *thumbs up*
• “Lord Stanley’s cup”
• “Lord Stanley’s ghost”, accompanying a shot of an apparently empty locker room
• “At least three of Bitty’s homemade pies”
• Jack, Bitty, and Tater are holding a pie each
• Tater is rapidly eating his
• Tater: “two and a half”
• “three hundred pounds of potatoes”: Tater posing with a sack of potatoes
• “three hundred kilos of potatoes”: Tater posing with several sacks of potatoes”
• “three hundred tonnes-” “no.”
• “All of these current, past, and honourary members of Samwell Men’s Hockey”
• Ransom and Holster are still dressed as cowboys
• Jack is looking adoringly at Bitty
• Tater, the honourary member, is holding an empty pie dish and using Jack’s distraction to steal some of his

Now all the falcs are standing in front of the camera, and the introduction is, “but there are some things that don’t fit in the locker room” and they each take turns to list an item:

• “The Titanic”
• “A blue whale”
• “The Clyde river”
• “Three hundred tonnes of potatoes”
• “you never know until you try-”
• “No.”
• “Zdeno Chara on stilts, unless you… sort of… tilt him sideways”
• “Woodstock”
• “A goose”
• “Actually, I’m pretty sure we could get a goose in here”
• “That’s what I thought, but George was adamant that we couldn’t”
• “And bigotry”

And then it ends with a graphic of a giant X next to the word “bigotry”, and a giant tick next to the word “pie”