Nine things that cats can see that you cannot

listing-to-port:

1. Because your cat is able to see in ultraviolet light, your cat can see more stars in the night sky than you. Cats may even use these stars to navigate by.

2. Similarly, your cat can detect hidden bottles of tonic water far faster than you can. Some say that cats can also detect spirits unnoticed by humans. This means that, at least in theory, your cat could make a gin and tonic and bring it to you far faster than you could make one yourself. Of course, your cat will not do this. Your cat is not interested in your comfort.

3. Cats are able to see the tiny ghosts of unmade cakes, which float around warm places trying to get people to bake them out of purgatory. Occasionally, a kindly-minded cat may give them a good kneading in the hope of raising them to someone’s attention.

4. Cats can see themselves, even in the dark, on the floor, in the crook of the winding stairs. With their eyes closed, they can still see some part of themselves. Thus secure that they have been noticed by the most important being in the room, cats sleep like the despots of newly-formed micronations and have delicious dreams.

5. Your cat is also able to see the flaws in your theory. However, your cat is not interested in providing assistance to improve the theory. No, your cat just wants to sit there and look superior.

6. Cats are able to see the passage of high-energy cosmic particles through a room. Sometimes, your cat will attempt to act as a particle detector by leaping to catch them. The presence of any cat toy nearby is entirely co-incidental. Interestingly, the Square Kilometre Cat Array (SKCA) paticle detector is now in the construction stage somewhere South of Bogota and should be providing us with fascinating results about local astrophysical events very shortly.

7. Cats are able to see people who really need a cat sitting on them. Scientists do not know which criteria they use to make this judgement. For many cats, a person’s strong dislike of cats qualifies them for a particularly persistent sitting-on.

8. Cats are able to see the other person’s point of view, they just do not agree.

9. If you give them a seashell, cats can see as well as hear the sea. If it is a large enough seashell, your cat will walk into the seashell and disappear, only to be found seven years later living a life of fishy luxury on a remote Pacific island.