whoacanada:

shitty-check-please-aus:

Shitty is a demigod related to Dionysus. He is summoned to college towns whenever a sufficient number of empty Natty Lights are dumped on a front lawn

Bitty’s still partially invisible (his left arm is nowhere to be found) when Shitty climbs onto a rickety table and bellows, “MORTALS, BEHOLD YOUR RAUCOUS GOD AND MARVEL AT THE BLESSINGS HE BESTOWS UPON YOU. DRINK AND BE MERRY, YA FUCKERS!”

Jack turns to the living room and Bitty follows his line of sight to the small kiddie pool of tub juice, still full.

“Huh, we have a lot left,” Bitty comments as Jack fires off a low whistle.

“No, Shits just used his one blessing a year to refill it.”

“Damn right,” Shitty interrupts with a burp. “One-Eighth Demi-God has to count for something, right?”

“What are you the god of again?” Jack asks in a tone implying he already knows the answer but is throwing Bitty a bone. “Something with liquor?”

“I am,” Shitty burps again, cheeks rosy and eyes bright in a way Bitty has never noticed before. “I am the motherfucking Demi-God of short-notice house parties, cheap booze, and frat row. But only like, two days a year because my bloodline is hella fucking diluted, check this shit –” Shitty puts his finger to Bitty’s cup and the water inside turns tub-juice green. “Bam. Blessed.” 

“You should drink that,” Jack elbows Bitty lightly. “He never blesses me.”

“Jacques Laurent Zimmermann,” Shitty drawls, falling against the aforementioned man’s chest like a faint damsel. “I would shower blessings all over your gorgeous body if you’d let me.”

Jack pats Shitty’s back sympathetically and says, “That’s why I don’t let you, Shits.”

“I was talking about my come,” Shitty stage whispers to Bitty, who pretends to be shocked even as Jack stifles his laughter. “Quick, Jack, kiss me before it wears off, you’ll get laid tonight.”

“I won’t fall for your tricks again,” Jack pushes Shitty away gently, right toward Bitty. “But I bet Bittle could use a little of that party magic.”

Shitty takes the bait and Bitty gets a quick peck on the cheek, not the sloppy open mouth mess he was expecting.

“Blessings be upon you, you adorable motherfucker. Go forth and get some sweet, sweet ass.”

“Thank you, Shitty,” Bitty laughs, nudging him back toward the rest of the crowd. “I’ll do my best.”

Shitty mock bows and retreats into the crowd while Bitty does his best not to acknowledge the warmth spreading slowly from his head to his toes. A hand lands softly on his waist and Bitty looks up to see Jack smiling mischievously at him before he takes Bitty’s (invisible) hand and rests it low on his hip, fingers barely brushing the swell of Jack’s ass.

“Look at that,” Jack whispers. “Shitty’s blessing worked.”